Mustache Mania- “A disguise for every occasion!”
Mustache Mania- “A disguise for every occasion!”
#tbt to when my parents were King & Queen of the 70s.
An Open Letter to the Worst Wax Museum in America
Dear Hollywood Wax Museum,
I recently visited your Los Angeles location and was exceptionally disappointed with what I saw.
Upon entering, I was greeted by your Tom Hanks in Castaway waxwork. It was not very good. Scary, even.
I have never seen Castaway, so there may actually be a scene in which Tom Hanks becomes blind in one eye, but I doubt that is the case.
But it wasn’t just your Tom Hanks that was awful. It was all of your waxworks. They look like something from the nightmares of a person who has been blind since birth and has no real concept of what human beings look like.
Some time ago, I watched a documentary about a ship that sank in the Baltic Sea. There was this one shot that has haunted me since, where they showed the beautiful, blond wife of one of the people who had gone down with the ship. She was standing on the shoreline, looking out into the Baltic Sea as it slowly dawned on her that she would never be seeing her husband again. There was a sadness in her eyes that haunts me to this day.
Your Cameron Diaz looks identical to how that looks in my head. I am genuinely surprised she hasn’t yet sued for defamation.
Some of your waxworks are so bad that I would never have had even the slightest of clues who they were if I hadn’t been explicitly told. Like this beautiful goth woman who, apparently, is meant to be Hugh Jackman.
However, credit where it’s due: your Steve Jobs waxwork was actually very good. I’m not entirely sure why you decided to suspend him from the ceiling on wires, though, but bravo.
Beyond just looking really, really, really, really shitty, your waxworks have a larger issue: you have, without exception, managed to depict each celebrity as a character in their least memorable movie.
For instance, you chose to depict Adam Sandler, star of The Waterboy, Big Daddy, Happy Gilmore, and dozens of other films that people have actually seen (or heard of) as his character from the movie where it rains gumballs. Google tells me, it is called Bedtime Stories.
Pierce Brosnan, who has played James Bond multiple times, is shown as his character in The Thomas Crown Affair. (For a millionaire art thief, he is wearing a VERY cheap suit.)
You put Sean Connery and Daniel Craig, who, again, have both played James Bond, as their characters in The Hunt for Red October and Cowboys & Aliens, respectively.
This is wonderfully funny.
He needs answers.
This is the vest alligator pun I’ve ever seen.
There are a group of “homeless by choice” people in New Orleans and they are somewhat intimidating. They dress like a combination of steam punk, Mad Max and the Thunderdome, and Stevie Nicks. They play weird instruments like that long metal thing that you rub and it sounds like an old timey asian movie soundtrack. These people are ok I guess, they are interesting, and seem to be generally enjoying their lives.
My main problem with them is that a lot of them have dogs. Big, large dogs, that are required by their “home free” owners to live hand to mouth and sit out on the hot street all day while they play their “music”. I feel bad for these dogs.
So this past weekend when I was in town, one of these women had two labs on leashes and they were quite friendly-looking. A girl that was walking by asked if she could pet them. The woman said, “Sorry no. I don’t want them to start thinking they need affection.”
Just think about that. Animals that basically LIVE for mankind’s affection, are being denied that very thing by this bizarro woman because she doesn’t want to spoil them.
It took everything I had not to grab those leashes and run like hell with those dogs. Poor things. I now hate that woman.
I’ve discovered that I turn random everyday interactions into compliments to myself. Here are the most recent examples of scenarios that made me secretly pleased:
LOGAN and CASEY are eating at a new restaurant. The WAITRESS approaches and discusses the menu.
CASEY: We are really looking forward to this dinner. We’ve heard great things from our friends.
WAITRESS: Oh, I had no idea! I thought you’d eaten here before! You sure acted like you knew what you were doing.
CASEY feels proud to have been confused with an experienced diner at the restaurant.
LOGAN and CASEY are at the STATE FAIR OF TEXAS. They are watching fair goers play a game on the MIDWAY. There is a WOMAN standing nearby.
WOMAN (nearby): What are those things called? I can’t think of the word.
CASEY: I’m pretty sure that is called a trebuchet.
WOMAN (thrilled?) Yes! That’s it! You’re a real word wizard.
CASEY admires her brain’s ability to think of such an obscure word and is 80% sure the WOMAN wasn’t using the term “a real word wizard” sarcastically.
I’m sorry ma’am there was nothing we could do
Hans Zimmer’s drum circle for recording the Man of Steel score
current emotion: Jim Kirk’s face when he is surrounded by things he doesn’t like.
Jim Kirk is all of us.
Worth evening dress ca. 1910
From the Bunka Gakuen Costume Museum
This tumblr is fascinating. Look at these beautiful dresses! From so long ago! Awesome work.
and I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving
Oh Frank, Oh Ben
Seriously no one can even fathom how much I love this cover. The day youtube made it private I cried. I’m so freaking happy right now.
was literally just listening to this and the boom up on my page it came :) nothing compares to this video!
This is lovely.